So I was thinking, have I been waiting? It’s been three days already and no word yet. I feel anxious checking every now and then. I can’t help but wonder what’s up with you.  But I am happy that I am strong enough to resist checking up on you. I think this is better. I’d rather not text you first. If you want me in your life, you text first. If not, then it’s fine with me.

I find it pathetic really. This feeling of competing for your attention, competing against unworthy opponents, competing when I do not want to be a part of this game. Which is why this is better. This distance or space or whatever you may call this. Whether permanent or temporary, this is good because it keeps me from being attached to you. Or at least I am in better control of my emotions. Day by day, learning to not give a damn about you. I have long accepted my place (or lack thereof) in your life. And hey, that’s fine with me. After all, I am not in a place to be serious with anyone right now. Nor am I that stupid or blind or crazy in love to stay in your life and make you fall for me. I have been in that phase and I’m not going back. Not in the near future anyways.

A year ago, I wouldn’t be able to control this. But now, I’m getting a hang of this, being the master of my emotions. Holding back so I won’t get hurt. Playing safe and not risking anything. I do not want to be weak, to make myself vulnerable.

Because after all, if you want me in your life, you’d be the one doing the chasing. And not the other way around. :)

Good night.